Sunday, June 14, 2009

Show Me Your Tits, Baby... or Don't.

So I'm headed home--actually just a few hundred feet from the driveway to my complex--when I see a woman on the sidewalk. A little thin for my taste, but still a nice figure. Raven black hair. Blue jeans. Tight white tank top. So as I drive by, I give her a glance.

I said a glance. Not a slow-the-car-down-and-leer, not the piercing stare of a psychopath--a glance. Maybe one or two seconds.

Well now the young woman saw this and apparently took umbrage. She reached up and gripped her breasts in a pumping motion, then flipped me the bird with both fingers. When I did an astonished double-take, she held her arms out to her sides in a "what? Come on and do something about it" expression. I declined her invitation (because I'm a big pussy) and continued into my driveway, hoping that she was not planning to pursue me inside to continue this wonderfully stimulating interchange.

So now I'm in front of my computer in my boxer briefs thinking, "what the hell was that all about?" It was a GLANCE. No leering. No gesturing. No catcalls. I cannot imagine what I could have done to warrant such a reaction.

It's a very simple rule, ladies: if you don't want men to look at some part of your anatomy, don't wear tight, skimpy, or revealing clothing that draws attention to said areas. In the same way that you wouldn't leave your car with the door wide open and the keys in the ignition--thus inviting theft--don't wear attention-grabbing clothing if you don't want to be looked at. I hate to break it to you, young vulgar miss with the beautiful black hair, but a skin-tight tank top with no bra and nipples pointing the way forward does not exactly scream to the world, "Don't stare at my tits!"

Aside from being excessively rude and totally unnecessary, this little gestural display was also dangerously stupid. She has no idea who I am. The guy in that car could have been a cop (the police station is right there). Worse, he could have been some knife-wielding psychopath cruising for his next victim. He could have seen that and thought, "Yes! I just got a new knife, and I've been waitin' all week for some tasty bitch to cross me!"

What the hell was she thinking? What is wrong with people?

3 comments:

  1. I'm sorry. I had no idea that was you.

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  2. It's hard out there for a pimp!

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  3. With them just sticking out like that you can't help but to look.. I would, but them again I wouldn't get smacked for it either.

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